Missed opportunity

On the Commons.
Young woman to her friend: "So he said 'my parents are out of town, so we're having a party.....so take my business card. Seriously, take my business card.'...."

Read my mind, please

At Barnes & Noble, a man talking to a saleswoman.
Man: "Excuse me. I was looking for a book.......(expectant pause).......It was on the display........?........A few days ago............But it's not here."

Coffee toothpaste?

Woman at dinner party: "Coffee would be fine. My husband drinks it up until he goes to bed. He needs it to stay awake while he brushes his teeth."

Woman leaving Unitarian Christmas Eve service:
"There was a lot more mention of God than I was expecting."

How about at Target?

At the art museum, next to a Monet.
Guard: "These things are all priceless. You can't just pick them up at Walmart."

Not overheard, but in case you're not done with your holiday shopping:

From Ithaca Craigslist:

Santa and Elves - $125 (Owego)
19 crochet pattern books, AND dolls, air freshner dolls, and toliet paper holders. The dolls are Santa craft dolls 15", elf dolls, an indian girl air freshner doll 5 3/4", and a girl 5 3/4" toliet paper dolls 13", 15" craft dolls and 13" craft dolls. (22 dolls total). Here are some pictures of the finished product. (Not for sale) All or nothing $125.00. They must go. Have some yarn and excessories lace, bows, beads and such, would be willing to make a deal.

Heavenly weather we're having

Man:"Turn on the Christian radio station. They have the best weather."

Not overheard, but...

A girl's chat account status message: "I'm deactivating my Facebook account and going for a three hour walk in the woods."

You never know what you might hear....

We at Overheard were busily listening to a group of people walking in front of us, hoping they would say something witty and pithy, when we realized they were discussing their part in a string of thefts. Not exactly what we were looking for.

That's one way to look at it

Girl: "Isn't thong underwear just a walking, talking wedgie?"

Would you jump off a cliff if your friends did?

Overheard at Ithaca College
Guy: "I hate making decisions. I always let whoever I'm with decide. I never make decisions."

Overheard in the Target dressing room

Dismebodied female voice: "I could wear this with black tights and totally slut it up."
Other disembodied female voice: "That's exactly what I would do."

Where you from, pardner?

Guy meeting a group of people: " In certain cultures a greeting is like, 'hello' and then you show your penis."

Another reality check

Overheard in a checkout line at a drug store.
Customer: "Excuse me, which of these lottery tickets can be cashed in in California?
Cashier: *stupid expression* "Its New York state Lotto sooo... none of them"
Customer: "You don't have a universal lottery ticket?"
Cashier: "Please leave my store ma'am."
-Ashley

Reality check

On campus, a guy walking up to two young women.
Guy: "Why are you waving at me?"
Girl: "I'm your friend! And so is Lauren."
Guy: "I'm cool with Lauren."
Girl: "But not me?"
Guy: "You tried to kill me in my dream."

small furry rodents

Girl: "Isn't it wonderful to have a small furry rodent in your hand?"
and: "He's really smart and he's really strong. That's a bad combination in a gerbil."

Holiday spirit

At Best Buy
Man to woman holding a toddler on a leash: "Go ahead and yank it. Trust me, it won't hurt him."

Live and learn

Teacher: "And so then the student says to me, 'But Miss, I didn't know we weren't supposed to pay someone to do our homework.'"

A star is born!

Girl : "I was a queen once in a play. I said one line and then the king cut off my head."

Nostalgia

Girl: "No one makes prank calls anymore. It's kind of sad."

Easy Matt

Two middle schoolers discussing classmates.

She: I don’t know who she is. Did she go out with Matt?

He: Yeah, I think so.

She: . . . Well, that doesn’t narrow it down much, does it?

He: Not really, no.

-KAZ

The Real Thing

Kid commenting on the supposed drinking habits of classmates:

“And I don’t mean fake stuff like Mike’s lemonade or something; I’m talking about real alcohol, like beer.”

-KAZ

Halloween

Girl: "I LOVE Junior Mints. I've never had them. They just sound so good."

Advice

School bus driver to kids on Halloween: "Don't get into any trouble. But if you do, take pictures. But don't get into any trouble."

Appetizing?

Overheard on the bus.
One guy to another: "Want to go to Viva, dude? They have burritos the size of a baby."

More cows - but what do they say?

From Ithaca Craig's List:
My daughter wants to be a cow for halloween, but we only need the cow utters. She is small adult size.

Thanks, Melissa!

Convenient Jeans

I asked a 7 year old boy who had a hole in his jeans:
"Do you wear those jeans because they're cool or because they accidentally ripped and they're the only ones clean?" and he replied:
"No I just like them, its easier to itch with them on."

Later I said to the same seven year old: "Wow your hair is getting really curly." and he said: "It wont be for long after I comb it."

-G Barrows

Kids

A ten year old boy said: "Oh I have three missed calls! Probably because it was on vibrate because my ringtone is so ridiculous."

-G Barrows

Probably didn't want to know that

Girl in restroom to girl in stall: "So he was in the bathroom using that urination thing? And he was going with one hand and texting with the other? And his professor walks in and was like 'what the hell?' and it turned out he was doing it for THAT CLASS."

Nom, nom

Woman: "I used to get my grandson a subscription to Children's Digest. It's like Reader's Digest for kids."
Co-worker: "I bet he ate that up."

Don't call us....

Teenage girl to parents: "So yeah, my cellphone is in my pocket but it's turned off so don't try to call me."

Can't argue with that

Girl: "Everyone loves a good ninja!"

Graffiti on the old library building:
"For the world to live Columbus must die."

Not even faking it

Sign behind the counter at Cost Cutter's (where no one is smiling):
"Smile, smile, smile, even if it's fake."

Not Overheard, but.. Cows!

From Craigslist Ithaca/For Sale/Collectibles:

COWS $600 (Groton)
Must part with my cow collection. Moved and downsized. Took 2 days to wrap and pack these cows. Loved and cared for. They used to have their own room. Boxes and boxes of collectable cows. Hundreds of pieces. Dolls, walking and talking cows, plates, wall hangings, large aand small cows, stuffed cows, pillow cows, plates, "Mary Moo Moo's, salt and pepper collection, mugs, banks, etc. I think I have every type and color cow imaginable. Cannot begin to mention each piece. The small furniture some of them used to sit on is also included. Great Christmas gift for the serious collector. Will not separate.

(thanks, Melissa!)

Loud colors

Mother: "Have you seen Bowl-O-Drome recently? They painted it a bright orange."
Son: "They should get a noise violation for that."
M & J

Guest arriving at a birthday party: "I've just come from Gannett and they say I have all the symptoms of swine flu."
Hostess: "Well I'll understand if you have to leave early."

-Melissa

More Oasis

Cashier: "I'm always amazed at how much flour you can buy for how little money."

Groceries - no laughing matter

Overheard at Oasis
Woman: "I don't like to checkout from that girl, she's always laughing. What's so funny?"

Western Civ.

Upon hearing that a deputy sheriff had posted pictures of President Obama altered to look like a Nazi on schoolhouse doors in Idaho to protest the president's speech to schools:
Man: "Idaho, where the holocaust never happened."

Living life to the fullest?

Overheard on the bus.
Guy: "I've only broken one bone in my life. Isn't that kinda pathetic?"

Reach for the stars

Woman: "I want to get a lot of plants and turn my sun room into a planetarium. That's what it's supposed to be for."

Sunday morning

Woman: "The amount of cheese and crackers that Protestants can eat is incalculable."

A new breed?

At the pet store.
Small boy: "Nana, nana, look! What's dat? What's dat?"
Woman: "It must be a rat squirrel or something like that."

Overheard at Target

A group of college-aged people crossing the parking lot.
Woman: "Did you see her?" She was having contractions right there in the aisle, between items."
Guy: "Yes, and she had more than ten items."

Think positive

Young woman on the Commons: "And you've got to stop with all of this negative sh**, I don't want any more of that f*ing negativity."

They're back!

Student: "I woke up this morning naked. I don't know how, I don't know why."

Craggy man: "Ah shaved her down, made her look like a lion..."

Tough love

Young woman: "If I fall down and I'm not bleeding all over my mother is like 'just get up, you're fine.' That's the way she is.

Group of young women walking to swimming hole:
Woman: "But she's so skinny!"
Other woman: "I know her upper half is. I don't care what you think, her legs are hideous!"

We think so too

"Any chocolate bar with a graph on it has got to be good."

Take a deep breath...

Young man dressed all in black, lounging on a bench and talking on his cellphone: "I have four times the lung capacity of an adult male."

"When I had my toenails painted the first time it felt like my toes were in drag."

Just add hot fudge

Girl: "I have a question. What's the point of vanilla ice cream?"

Woman to daughter in her 20's: "Maybe when he comes out of the army they'll have turned him into the kind of insensitive guy you like."

Voices drifting in from the street at night.
Male voice: "And all the deliveries? They're done by robots underneath the bed."
Female voice: "That's so awesome!"

That time of year at last

Girl: "Oh my God, how did THAT part of me get sunburned?"

Getting old

In front of library, watching traffic go by.
Woman to man: "Why is it only old people ride motorcycles these days?"

Interesting question...

"How long do you think the Ithaca City School District's policy excluding students enrolled in charter schools from participating in high school athletics will last now that New Roots has enrolled a 6'6" ninth grader who loves playing basketball?"
Overheard by Carla

Early sense of style

Overhear at Trader K's. Mom with girl around four years old.
Mom: "Oh look. Let's get you a beautiful shirt."
Girl: "I don't like beautiful shirts."
Mom: "OK, let's get you some not beautiful clothes."

And we thought they only did teeth

At the dentist.
Dental assistant: "Hey, have you seen the bottom right hands? I can't seem to find them anywhere."

Woman walking her dog as they come to a corner: "Well, which way do you want to go, left or right?"
-Carol

Mom to pre-teen girl: "Questions about breasts? Yup, it's in my job description."

Not overheard, but...

We don't want to go there -
Local company that advertises it will clean up the dog poop from your yard: The Barefoot Gardener.

Girl: "I hate the texture of rhubarb. It's like a million strings."

Rather not know that

Young woman at Cass Park pool: "And I lost both my nose rings..."

Hidden talent

Young girl: "Dad, can you play 'Carmen' on your teeth?"

Sky gazing

Teenage girl looking up at the sky: "Do you ever think that the sky is wallpaper and you can just reach up and peel off the clouds? And then it's not."

More rockets red glare

Watching the flares around the lake on the 4th of July.
Woman, pointing down the shore to a dock where people are setting off fireworks: "Can we set off fireworks over there?"
Woman standing nearby: "You can set them off right here, they're illegal everywhere."

Guy with glowsticks hanging through his large ear piercings: "One time I was working at a bar and someone threw a cherry bomb into a car outside and it started a barroom brawl."

Rockets red glare

Girl: "The house didn't burn down. Yay, I'm so happy!"

Toto, I think we're not in Kansas

At Stewart Park.
Slightly spacey looking woman: "What lake is this?"

Alien

At the small convenience store downtown. A young man is buying cigarettes.
Woman behind the counter: "Where do you work?"
Young man:"I, ah, I don't work."
Woman: "Are you buying these for kids?"
Young man: "Why are you giving me such a hard time? Is it because I'm Canadian?"

Maybe YOU do

Three women strolling in conversation.
Woman: "Yeah, you feel relieved when the head pops out."

Daughters in arms

Woman, looking at her freckled, upraised arm: "A couple of years ago my mother said 'I can't believe it, I have my 90-year-old mother's arms!'."

Omnipotent?

Woman: "Are you sure about that? I see everything that goes by on the internet."

At Turning Stone

Waiting for a rock concert to begin, already over an hour late.
Older woman, looking at her watch: "If it starts any later I'll miss church tomorrow."

Overheard on Giles St.

Frazzled mom walking up the hill with her two sons: "OK, Children of the Corn, stop touching each other!!!"
Older boy in ridiculously loud voice: "I LOVE touching people."
-Vikki

Celebrations?

Woman: "How did you celebrate Father's Day?"
Other woman: "Vacuuming. That's how we celebrate most holidays, we go on a frenzy of vacuuming."

It really is an island

Overheard at the rain flooded Hangar Theatre after a performance of Once on This Island:
"It's a good thing we didn't come in the usual way or we would have drowned!"

First date

Young Daughter to Rapidly Aging Father: “So, he wants to know does he really have to meet you before we go out? Because he thinks you sound scary.”

Unclear on the concept

Professor: "So the student said 'I can't have gotten an F, I didn't do anything."

Who do?

Three students walking down the hall.
Guy: "She's married."
Other guy: "She's married? She looks so young."
Guy: "They get married at, like, 12."

Man: "So you worked at CBORD? What was it like? I hear it's a white collar sweatshop."

Not the most enlightened city?

Guy at the Ithaca Festival parade: "I'm so Berkeley, I mean, Ithaca's just not doin' it for me, man!"

Fruit

Girl: "I've never really liked bananas, they seem like a beginner's fruit."

Overheard at Flat Rocks swimming hole

Man to little kids in Fall Creek: "Anybody need a leech check or anything?"

At Stewart Park

Woman to toddler daughter: "Let's go to the bathroom now, mommy is covered in goose poop."

A well balanced meal

Girl: "Yuck, we're having Boynton lunches today, they are like poop on a plate.....with rice integrated in."

Woman: "My eyes smell like stale beer. Smell them, I got new under eye cream and it smells funny."

Two girls on a trip looking out the window.
Girl: "What is an 'adult novelty boutique'?"
Other girl: "Porn."
Girl: "Oh. You mean like they make it there or they sell it there?"

At the library

Small girl talking on a toy cellphone: "But you're always gonna have a great life! No, it'll be great, you're homeschooled!"

Woman looking in the bathroom mirror in disbelief: "Pretty soon my hair will be completely white."
Teenage son from two rooms away: "And then you will be EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL."

Perils of modern life

Girl on cellphone: "How did you accidentally flush your cellphone down the toilet? Haven't you almost done that before numerous times?"

Sunny day on the Commons
Woman: "I've had these shoes for years but I never got a chance to wear them because I lived in Binghamton. It was always rainy or snowy. Isn't Binghamton the most depressing place you've ever been?"
Man: "Yes, I guess it really is."

Try a surgeon

Overheard at Home Depot.
Man to salesman in window and door department: "We'd like to get an external door."

Middle school girl: "Why would anyone want to go out with him? He eats pen ink."

While getting the snow tires off (at last!)

Car Mechanic: "A woman came in, she said 'I'm from out of town, I don't live here' and I said 'that makes sense.'"

Why?

Girl: "Why did you tell him that I told you that he spilled the urine sample?"

Nothing matters when the sun is shining

A beautiful sunny day in the park

Girl: "Let's lie down on the grass in the sunshine."
Mom: "But there's deer poop and it's muddy."
Girl: "What does that matter?"

It's all relative

Woman to pre-teen girls: "Why didn't you stay at the playground?"
Girl: "Because there were lots of little little kids."
Woman: "And you are big kids?"
Other girl: "No, you're only a big kid if you wear huggies."

Turning colorful

At Wegman's

Her: "Oh these dishes are pretty!"

Him: "They are not really my style."

Her: "Yeah, I know. You were brought up "plain white" and stayed "plain white" after you moved out and I was brought up "plain white" but turned "colorful" after I moved out!"
-G. Barrow

Doing pig parts

In the hallway
Student: "So are you, like, dissecting today?"
Other student: "No, we already did that. Now we have to, like, do pig parts."

Perspective

Two women at lunch.
Younger woman: "I'm always so busy, I never have time to go to a movie or anything."
Older woman: "Oh, just wait until the kids leave home and the dog dies."

Small pleasures

Girl: "The water in the drinking fountain was delicious today."

What really matters

In a Western Civ. class
Woman: "So what time period are you up to?"
Student: "We're on World War I, I don't know if we'll make it up to now by the end of the semester, we still have five chapters to go."
Woman: "Well, this should help you understand the context of NATO and the president's visit to Europe."
Student: "And it'll help with Jeopardy!"

Nature in all its glory

Man: I was biking up past Game Farm Road and the trees were all filled with birds, I think they were starlings. I shifted gears and the sound must have startled them, they all took off from the trees at once and as they did you could hear the plop of bird droppings everywhere. They got me three times, one on each arm and one on the front of my jacket, so at least it was symmetrical."

Formerly private moments

Overheard in a public restroom:
Young woman: "Yeah, OK. I love you too mommy. (LOUD FLUSH) Bye."

traumatic childhood memory

Teenage boy: "I remember in kindergarten, they gave us a work sheet and I was so confused or scared I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there and didn't do anything. They sent me down to the office and Mrs. L helped me with it."
Girl: "Do you remember what it was about?"
Teenage boy: "It was about Puss in Boots."

We don't know, do you?

At the physical therapist.
Police officer (guard?) comes in to the waiting room, leading a man in a red prison uniform and handcuffs. A small girl is sitting by herself in the waiting room. After the men are escorted through to the workout room she turns to the other person sitting there and pointing to her wrists asks: "Are those things heavy?"

After spring break...

Female student: "I haven't worked out all week and I'm going to DIE!"

Sounds creepy

Also on Saturday morning.
Man: "Wegman's was crawling with therapists."

For your own safety

Early Saturday morning.
Roofer, up high on a ladder, on a cellphone: "You have to get coffee."

Sage advice

A group of women sitting and talking at Smart Monkey
Older woman: "It's strange, I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself, I still feel the same inside."
Other older woman: "That's why I rarely look in the mirror."

Overheard at Borders

Barista, who will be on Jeopardy!: "I can't tell you if I win, but if I quit my job you'll know."

a common phobia

Two male students leaving campus.
First student: "It's the math that's freaking me out."
Second student: "No bullsh*t!"

Doesn't everyone?

Woman to her health care provider: "What? You mean you don't have a book group?"

Overheard outside LACS

Two men leaning against the wall, deep in conversation: "There are probably no intrinsically evil species but there are intrinsically evil realities."

More local opinion

On opposition to the proposed charter school after the President's endorsement of charter schools: "If only people in Ithaca liked Obama then New Roots would have a chance."

Question of local interest

Overheard at a dinner party: "If a cow dies in Varna and they hydrolyze it and it ends up in the lake is the water vegan?'

tongue in cheek

Man to companions: "How long did it take until the war in Iraq was 'officially over'? A week? If we'd just killed everyone there it would have been over in two weeks."

- "I used to say 'I'm retired' when people asked me what I do, but now I find I get more sympathy if I tell them 'I'm out of work'."
-Gary

Reversed roles?

Heard on Friday at school.
Teacher: "YAY!!"
Student: "What is it?"
Teacher: "The day is over."

If that's good....

Woman to girl: "How's your dog doing?"
Girl: "She's good. She had her eye removed."

good reading

Two women, one carrying "Dreams from My Father," Barack Obama's early memoir.
First woman: "How are you liking the book?
Woman with book: " Oh, I love it. I have such a crush on him. But I feel like I'm cheating on my husband when I read it."

back from vacation-killer yoga

Overheard at the Ithaca airport:
Tall, fit man: "I haven't seen you in hot yoga lately."
Other man: "No, it's a killer."

Don't even start

On campus.
Professor: "Did you drive to campus today?"
Student: "Just turning the ignition in my car destroys my financial stability."

In the eye of the beholder?

At Shur Save in T-Burg:
My daughter and I were looking at olive oil when a woman walked by us very close and stared right into our faces. I thought that was weird, then she got to the end of the aisle
she turned and said "Crazy b*tch, staring at me"
My daughter and I just looked at each other.
I said: "Well I was looking at her, but only because I thought she was very attractive."
My daughter said: "I was looking at her too because I thought I knew her from somewhere."

Tough Choices

Dad to daughter: "Why don't you just flip a coin?"
Daughter: "No, that doesn't work because if I don't like the answer I just flip it again."

Beastly Body Image

At the pet shop. Small girl with her parents.
Mother: "How about this gerbil? Should we get this one?"
Girl: "No, his butt sticks out too much."

At the dog park

First warm day of the year, everyone and their dog is at the dog park hanging out.
Guy dog owner to his guy pals: "The other dogs like Indy, he's man-pretty."

In line at the bank

Overheard awhile ago. People discussing hunting season.
Older man: "I fought in World War II and I saw enough killing to last me a life time."

More Destiny

Overheard while waiting for my children at South Seneca School.
A Teacher in line with her class, calls out: "Destiny! Serenity!"
I thought it sounded like someone calling out positive affirmations.
-Wendy

Not overheard, but somehow fitting for today

From Craig's List Ithaca, Missed Connections:
Goodyears missing pavement (Rt 96)
Me: 14k mile old rubber
You: Pavement

I really wanted to keep hugging you this morning but inertia had different plans. I had to leave you to seek comfort and stillness in the ditch next to you. Hope you didn't take it personally. After I get some plastic surgery I'll be back to roll over you again and again, baby! Can't wait!!!

Cosmic?

Overheard at Ithaca Bakery.
Counter worker: "Destiny, your order is ready."

Small daily pleasures

Overheard in a public restroom, next stall over.
Woman: "It's so special when you sit down in the restroom and the seat's already wet. It makes my day."

Catching up at the store

Overheard at Wegman's Saturday evening. Two young women shopping.
Woman, with great excitement: "Did I tell you Josh and I are speaking again?"

Oh really?

Heard on campus. Two female students walking down the hall.
First student: "I didn't sign up for any honors [classes]. I'm no honor."
Second student: "I know, I know."

Heard around the world....

...and in Dryden.
A woman watching the inauguration on television: "I thank God every morning I lived long enough to see this moment."

Overheard at the Skaneateles Community Center (remember we said the greater Ithaca area)

Small, wet girl climbing out of the swimming pool:"I am so not ready for the inauguration tomorrow. I am so not!"

Now I KNOW we're not in Ithaca anymore

Not overheard, but also in Skaneateles.
Bumper stickers in the Community Center parking lot:
Welcome to America. Speak English or go home.
and
Dictionary definition of liberal- someone who is so open minded their brains are falling out.

Life lessons

Two small girls.
Larger girl: "How do you chew your nails? Can you show me how to do it?"

Toasty!

Overheard in lovely, downtown Dryden.
Woman: "Oh, it's 10 degrees. I didn't realize it had gotten warm."

'nuff said

Morning, man and woman parting to go their separate ways.
Man: "Have a good day."
Woman: "It's hard to have a good day when you don't have time to poop."

Not overheard, but: Lemonade!

Overheard in Ithaca is as pleased as punch to let you know we have won a Lemonade Award, presented to "blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude." This award was kindly (and surprisingly) bestown upon us by the Head Blogger at http://itsjustme-wendy.blogspot.com/ and we thank her with all our little bloggy hearts even though we've never met. We weren't even sure there was anyone out there listening, now we know, yay!

Now we have the responsibility and honor of passing this on to our favorite bloggers, so here goes, in no particular order:

http://overlooksasda.blogspot.com/ This blog is now password protected but we love it to smithereens so we hope you can get in past the big guy at the velvet ropes. Have your passport in hand, it couldn't hurt (or you could always ask us to put in a word for you at the gate).

http://tjbible.blogspot.com/ Bilingual blog with lots of wonderful photographs by old friends, what more could you ask for? Clicking on it is as good as taking a vacation.

http://www.tokyo-girl.blogspot.com/ A world-class blog that breaks your heart.

http://www.dervala.net/ Just take a look and see if you aren't lifted up and away.

http://drydendailykaz.blogspot.com/ And of course the (very) local scene with a global perspective and great pictures right out the front window to boot.

http://molliegoestomainstreet.blogspot.com/ We don't know if this really counts since it's a one-time story, but it's so evocative we couldn't leave it off.

http://clarkberg.org/ Who else makes you think about triangles?

http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/ And last but not least, the one that gave us the idea in the first place, the one that can still make us homesick.

Thank you all for making our day more interesting, and if you are one of these Lemonade Award winning blogs, please pass this honor on to your favorite blogs.

Shopping

A guy sitting in his office. Another guy comes in.
Entering guy: "Did you get the stuff I left you on Russian mail order brides?"
Guy at his desk: "Yes I did and I've already filled it all out and sent it in."

Evolution?

Kid: "First came fire...then came fire in a lamp..."
Second Kid: ".....then came the Apple iPhone...."

Not like chicken?

Girl: "So you ate crocodile in China - what did it taste like?"
Other girl: "Like frog."