Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Those holiday feelings....

"....I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, underneath the mistletoe last night...."

5 year old: "Missile! What's a missile?"
9 year old: "Missile-toe!"
5 year old: "Oh missile-toe!.... What's a missile-toe?"
9 year old:  "Its something you kiss under."
5 year old: "EEEWWWW!"


Sunday, December 5, 2010

Sounds of the season?

Man: "Is someone wassailling?"
Woman: "No, just a couple trombonists walking down the street."

Friday, December 3, 2010

Hmmm, a study is called for

Girl: "Is it true women who where really pointy shoes are mean? Do you know if it's true?"

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Not for the squeamish....

Teenage boy: "They should have a snack called 'feces pieces.'"
Girl: "My dog would love that."

Wonder what'll be in style next season?

In a dining hall, on campus.
White girl to black girl: "Multi-racial babies are really in right now."

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Not from around here? Just wait for winter

Overheard on campus.
Student: "This isn't even, like, New York. This is Canada."

Eat and/or be eaten

At the pet store.
Employee: "The rule of thumb is that if a fish can fit another fish into their mouth it pretty much will."

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Flying fun

Woman: "Gee, with these new rules kids are going to play 'airport security' instead of doctor."

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Changing colors

From our favorite former Ithacan:
Teacher: "Tomorrow is picture day. Be sure to look your best. Here is my class picture from when I was in first grade."
Smartest kid in class: "That's funny - you're white."
Me: "Of course I was white when I was 6 - I'm white now."
Smartest kid in class: "But now you're a teacher. Plenty of teachers are white. I didn't know kids could be white too."

Friday, November 19, 2010

Dressed for the occasion

Mom to daughter: "Take off your new white sweater if you are going to eat spaghetti sauce. As a matter of fact, if you are going to eat spaghetti sauce take off all of your clothes."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Family values

Woman: "No, we never split up, never got divorced. It was because neither of us wanted the kids. He didn't want them, I didn't want them, so we had to stay together."

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Overheard at Cornell polo

Small boy: "I have a black horse. He lays eggs."
His mom: "We do have a horse. I don't know where the eggs come from."

Friday, November 5, 2010

small embarrassments

Raking leaves at a daycare. Teacher takes the small child size rake and starts raking with it.
Girl: "Aren't you embarrassed to be raking with that tiny rake?"
Teacher: "No, why?"
Girl: "Well If I was YOUR age and using that rake, I'd be embarrassed!"


Horizons need expanding?

On campus open house, at the study abroad table.
Guy: "Does this mean like we'd have to go somewhere or something?"

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Advanced vocabulary

Overheard by former Ithacan in first grade class.
Teacher: "Today we are going to learn about the /w/ sound. Can anyone give me a word that starts with the sound /w/?"
First Grade Boy: "Weed!"
Teacher: "Very good. Can you use the word 'weed' in a sentence?"
Boy: "My dad smokes the weed."
Teacher: [pause] "Okay then. Can someone else give me a DIFFERENT word that starts with /w/?".
..Different Boy: "Wedgie?"

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Is it a treat? Or a trick?

Halloween. A little boy trick or treating. The person giving out goodies at the door hands him a granola bar.
Boy (looking slightly dismayed): "This one is for you momma."

Monday, November 1, 2010

A little culture, in perspective

Parents reading Greek myths to their child.
Kid: "Wait. You mean all the Greek gods were whores or creepers?"

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Emotional affair

Woman: "Where did your husband get it?"
Other woman: "Wegman's. He gets everything there. He's having an affair with Wegman's."

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Do you have to ask?

Woman: "If my coworkers keep telling me about jobs somewhere else I'd be perfect for should I take that as a bad sign?"

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Teen girl: "My mom was like, 'I can't believe you were talking to a drunk guy on the street!' and I was like, 'it was only oral'."

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Truth in advertising?

Woman at hardware store: " I found the perfect yellow paint for the bedroom. Then I noticed it was named 'wide awake'."

Tough choices

Girl: "Soup is so confusing. Do you drink it? Or do you eat it?"

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Keep an eye on this kid

Overheard by a former Ithacan.
First grade boy to first grade girl:
"I'm not showing her my underwear, I'm showing her a magic trick"

At a daycare

7 yr. old girl: "I like this kind of ice cream, it has M&M's in it, only they don't have M's on them...I think they erased them."

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Not too independent

Girl to Mom before school:
“I’m staying after and getting dinner with my friends, because I like that it makes me feel independent. My therapist says all teenagers want to feel independent. So I need some money for dinner.”

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Overheard at the Apple Harvest Festival

Young woman: "I'm pretty much a vegan. Except I eat fish whenever I can get my hands on it! And I eat eggs."

Sunday, September 26, 2010

fair warning

Not overheard, but...sign at Ithaca Guitarworks:

"Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy."

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Not like the real ones in the store

Overheard at Littletree Orchards.
Man, with an empty apple picking bag: "But there's mold and they're dirty."

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Too much information?

Not overheard, but....
Bumperstickers on a car in Collegetown:
Morally Flexible
I'm not wearing any pants

Thursday, September 16, 2010

No, you tell me

Not overheard, but....

Student project:
Lab Report 2 - What have I done?

Older and wiser

Heard at daycare.
Boy: "I don't like thunder, it scares me! I'm afraid of ghosts too."
Girl: "There's no such things as ghosts. Well... there used to be ghosts, a long time ago. But there aren't anymore. They're extinct!"
Boy: "What does that mean?"
Girl: "They all died, like the dinosaurs."

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Easy in, not easy out

In the halls:
Girl: "Yeah, so anyway TC3 has an acceptance rate of like 106%."
Other girl: "Yeah, and a graduation rate of 27%."
Girl: "Really? That explains why there are kids in my class taking it for the fourth time."

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Overheard in Dryden

Woman: "The first time I got a full time job I swore I would never milk another cow."

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Watch out!

At the health clinic:
Receptionist: "Do you have any photo ID?"
Old codger: "What? This country is going to die soon, and no one seems to be afraid of it. I went through this in '32 with Uncle Adolph. What does that do, automatically tell the FBI or something?"

Monday, August 30, 2010

At the swimming hole

Overheard at Treman State Park:
Kid: "Hey, look over there, they're comparing muscles!"
Woman: "Bivalves or biceps?"

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Not overheard, but...

You had to be there. Or not.
On the bus. Guy showing the other passengers a photo of his bong, on his cellphone.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Email message: "If guilt burned calories I'd be Twiggy."

Monday, July 26, 2010

And you know that how?

Guy on the bus: "I work with a bunch of girls and they're all on the same cycle, so they're always bitching at each other."

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Barking up the wrong tree

Girl: "This dog is like the TSA. He barks at people who are obviously not terrorists."

It's all relative

At the Hangar Theatre's newly renovated women's restrooms, during intermission.
Woman, exclaiming loudly: "Oh wow, this is heaven."

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Life's not fair

Overheard at local swimming hole.
Woman: "I just don't get it. Will someone please explain how it is that hot flashes don't burn off calories?"

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Heard in Dryden

Woman: "This weekend he's coming over to the detail the mower. He's going to buff it and everything."

Friday, June 25, 2010

All the world's a stage

Woman: "Ithaca is like one of those plays where there are just a few characters playing all of the different roles."

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Looking for excitement in a small town

Carolyn Peterson, Mayor of Ithaca leaving Collegetown Video with a few DVDs in hand.
Woman: "And what does the mayor watch on a Friday night?"
Mayor, briskly walking downtown: "Bad guy movies. They were out of the French one I wanted so I'm watching bad guy movies."

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Family photo

Woman talking about being in labor: "And she started talking pictures and it wasn't even her camera. I didn't want Aunt Betty to go pick up the pictures and find a crotch shot."

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Guess you had to be there

On the Commons:
Guy: "The water turns to blood."
Other guy, excitedly: "Right! The water turns to blood when the sun shines on it!"

Saturday, June 5, 2010

That's why it doesn't work

In health class.
Teacher: "Now remember, abstinence is the only way to guarantee you won't get pregnant or catch HIV.
Student: "What's abstinence again?"
Teen boy: "It means no sex, which is the worst possible thing in the entire world."

Sunday, May 30, 2010


Teenager, looking at alphabet noodles: "I wonder what font they use?"

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Young woman: "The hardest thing I've ever had to do was quit Farmville. I've been clean and sober for three weeks now."

Monday, May 24, 2010

Free ride

Parent: "She is such a carpool vampire."

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Don't go there

Crazy night at the end of the semester in Collegetown. Guy noticing all of the police cruising around:"They've got people throwing up everywhere. They've got their hands full."

Monday, May 17, 2010

You know the type

Girl: "He looks like the kind of guy who would eat with a spork."

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Guy: "Yeah I saw her the other day. She grew her hair out, she looks really hot. I mean she always looked good, but now she looks like a heterosexual."

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Oh well

Vendor at the plant sale at Stewart Park: "We have some unidentified fuzzy mint plants that are REALLY WEIRD. We don't sell them."

Friday, May 14, 2010

Overheard at Viva

Looking at the wide range of brightly painted stools:
Tiny little girl to even tinier little girl: "Don't worry, we'll have matching chairs."

Monday, May 10, 2010

Straightening it all out

Girl: "I wonder if corn should wear braces. Some of these rows seem a little crooked."

Prom Priorities

Overheard at the mall:

“Well, she’s failing four classes, so she might not get to go. But her dress is really nice.”

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Something you don't usually hear at the dentist

At Dr. Ormsby's office overlooking the lake. Woman: "I'm sitting here thinking I could live here. I could totally live here."

Monday, April 26, 2010

Girl: "Dandruff comes in all kinds of shapes."

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Eating local

Overheard at Waffle Frolic, the new place on the Commons:
Customer: "What kind of fruit do you have for the waffles?"
Server: "Bananas. We plan on using all local fruit."

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Not Easter

Woman: "Have you ever put eggs on to boil and heard cheeping?"

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Those colorful natives

At the airport. Woman with a British accent speaking with a small girl, explaining toilet seat covers. (Imagine the conversation with the accent)
Girl: "But Mummy, why do they have them?"
Woman: "That's what they do, that's just how Americans are."

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Alien food

At the grocery store. Hip looking young woman hands a bag of snack food to a hip looking young man.
Woman: "I haven't tried them, it's just that they have aliens on them."
Guy: "Oh yeah, that strikes me as an alien kind of food."

Monday, April 12, 2010

I know what you mean

In bookstore.
Young man to young woman: "People today don't even know Calvin and Hobbes and it bothers me. Like it really makes me angry."

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Little girl, looking at sweatshirt: "That says GAP!"
Woman: "Yes it does, good reading."
Little girl: "What is GAP?"
Woman: "It is the name of the company that makes the shirt, the name of the store."
Little girl: "Oh."
Woman: "Like… You know Old Navy?"
Little girl: "No...."
Woman: "Hmmm, well what clothing store do you know?"
Little girl:" …….. Wal-Mart!"

Friday, March 26, 2010


Boy: "Do worms count as red meat?"

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Gimme that olde time religion

Woman: "The cows had to be milked on Sundays too, so we never went to church growing up. They drug my dad to church and he didn't want that to happen to us."

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Good advice

Yoga teacher: "Now some teachers say you need to fully relax your butt muscles in this pose, and others think you should tightly engage them. I say do what ever you want with your butt."

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Time flies

Two mothers pushing strollers run into each other near Dewitt Mall.
Woman, looking at other woman's baby in stroller: "Wow, you've got so much hair! You're almost a teenager!"

Monday, March 8, 2010

Existential Decisions

Late night at Target.
Two young men, presumably college students, looking at toothpaste.
Guy: "Should I get Aquafresh for old time's sake?"
Other guy: "The color freaks me out."
Guy "I don't like the flakes."

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Yet more Olympics!

Woman watching men's figure skating: "I don't understand how he can make all those jumps without having any butt at all."

Saturday, February 27, 2010

More Olympics!

Woman: "Jasey Jay Anderson? Is that his real name?"
Other woman: "Canadians don't take fake names."

Friday, February 26, 2010


Girl watching curling on TV: "Why do they show it in slow-mo?"

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Snow Day!

A guy is trying to get his car out from the snow where it is stuck. The car has bald tires.
A passerby, stopping to watch: "You need to get snow tires."
A neighbor out shoveling: "You need to get snow tires."
The guy continues to try and get the car out. A snow plow goes by.
The driver leans out and says: "You need to get snow tires."

Sunday, February 21, 2010

An overheard we will always wonder about ....

At Ithaca Bakery.
Woman: "At first I thought it was something stuck in my teeth, and I started pulling it out and pulling it out and then I realized it was coming from the roof of my mouth....."

Truth in advertising

Not overheard, but:
T--shirt seen on a man shopping at Greenstar (who was also wearing unmatched shoes): "No longer naked"

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Small girl: "I used to be, like, so afraid of video games."

Friday, February 19, 2010

Quick change artist

Two kids at daycare conversing over lunch -

Eight year old boy: "When we were leaving, my dog puked in the driveway! It had corn in it!"
Seven year old girl: "Ewww, one time my dog puked....."
Adult: "OK! That's enough! Can we please talk about nice things during lunch?"
Eight year old boy: "Like what?"
Seven year old girl: "Like RAINBOWS AND MAGICAL PONIES!!!!!"


Thursday, February 11, 2010

So long as you don't try and use them...

Woman:"If you can't find your car keys - its OK"
Other woman: "If you look at your car keys and don't know what they are - there might be something wrong."

While over at Tim Horton's in Geneva..

Elderly lady:"She just put something in his margarita..... blah blah blah... put it in the freezer... blah blah blah...she killed him!"
Other elderly lady: "She's in her nineties now!"


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Not overheard, but show us the way...

From Ithaca Craig's List:
your'e not gonna believe this but i think i found a way to a paralelle universe also found a way to to prove the existance of life after death all tied together. just wish i could alk to some cornell scientist to discuss my findings can any one tell me who to talk to at cornell? yes i realize how it sounds but given a decent chance this could really work. and no i'm not drunk nor do i do drugs of any kind !!! and i'm not mental that should cover all the negative replies i just had an idea and you won't believe how much sense it makes

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Gearing up for Valentine's Day?

On campus, two girls walking down the hall.
Girl:"If anyone kisses him or TOUCHES him or ANYTHING they're going to die a horrible death from DISEASE."

Thursday, February 4, 2010

College student: “My appetite really expands when things are free.”

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Good question

Teen: "Was someone really high when they created Groundhog Day or something?"

Monday, January 11, 2010

Way to win her heart

Not overheard, but from Ithaca Craig'slist:
Take Out food girl (sorry about the small tip) - m4w - 55 (Rt 13)
Your smile was so beautiful
You're much younger than I

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Outside in the cold night air.
Girl: "Don't you feel magical when you blow out steam?"

But it tastes good!

Sunday evening at Wegman's
Couple gazing at $5.00 a bar imported chocolates.
Guy:"But this is not sustainable eating."

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Woman reading headline aloud: "Obama Makes First Transgender Appointment"
Man: "What's he gonna have done?"