Regional differences

Woman: "When I hear a helicopter in town I assume someone's fallen into a gorge. When I hear a helicopter out in the country I assume they're looking for hidden patches of weed."

Growing pains

Man, talking on his cellphone: "I said what the hell is this, the only time you call me Dad is when you want money!"
-EH

Hot

Overhead at Fall Creek swimming hole.
Guy: "If this here heat keeps up I'ma gonna have to start talkin' in a drawl."

Not overheard, but...

OK, we at Overheard in Ithaca get a lot of mail from people wanting us to mention their blog, link to their blog,  just READ their blog.  This particular blog has nothing to do with Ithaca, nothing to do with being Overheard, but this young blogger from Poland seemed to serendipitously walk that fine line between earnest and whimsical entirely by accident, that we search for, so we thought we'd share: 

All right now I can say that I am a brother. Oh my God I can't believe it. Really very crazy feeling. Since 1994 to 2011- by 16 years I was alone without any brother or sister and now I have little Kuba. He was born 4 of July in Independence Day in the United States. During pregnancy everything was fine, I had other ideas and thoughts but now ?. Now I have 100 thoughts per second. Everything will change, I did not expected that today will give me so much to thought. Small baby with small eyes, small nose, small mouth. Kuba has 56 centimeters tall and he weights 3.9 kg. I weighed 4.6 kg so it's quite a lot. It's funny because human begins to remember when he is "about" 5. All of us had to live 5 years that begin explore the world. Already I would like to play with him with football. Anyway I'm sure that now time will change fot the better, I won't be alone and I'm not afraid about sleepless nights. Tomorrow next visit in hospital, well I must to see my mum also. I hope that tomorrow I'll see his eyes because today he was still sleeping and taking breaks for food. What else I can say ?
Welcome to the family Kuba :-)


http://bianchii.blogspot.com/

Racing in circles

At the roller derby...
Guy: "As soon as I realized it was exactly like NASCAR I totally stopped watching.

Related

Teen girl to her mother: "You look like a cross between Lord Voldemort and your father. Who did your father mate with?"

Not overheard, but...

Our favorite funeral home names:
Amigone (in Buffalo area)
Hurlbut (in Interlaken)

Do you know of any other good ones?

Play it safe

Guy, sitting at a table outside a restaurant: "Can you catch Lyme disease if you put lime in beer or does the alcohol kill it?"

Middle aged woman, jogging:"I really shouldn't go out in shorts, it will lower the property values for blocks around."

Gender law

Guy: "Wow, look at how long the hair on my arm is."
Girl: "Can you shave it, or is that against the manly code?"