Not in Ithaca, but overheard...

Walking through Windsor, England

Woman: Oh,look at that lovely Castle
Man:Well its the Queens House
Woman: I Know that..... But isnt it a shame they built it so close to the airport

LJBK

Helpful hints

Woman at pet store: "Everyone who goes by, I imagine giving them a virtual makeover. Like she needs a bra with more lift, hoist the girls in the air, and he definitely needs to get rid of those high water pants."

Search for the missing word

At the gym. Woman walking on the treadmill to man walking on the treadmill next to her.
Woman: "They have a big new stage, a promethian stage, a prisinthiam stage."

High aspirations?

Woman on the Commons: "In my next life I will wear more socks."

More holiday spirit

Girl, in the blinking, blinding Christmas lighting display area of the big box store: "This is the seizure section of Lowe's."

That sinking holiday feeling

Teen girl: "Christmas is such a great idea, so poorly executed."

Still white?

Girl: "I saw this guy in the library, and he was wearing white pants and he looked kind of cool and interesting. And then I saw him the next day and he was wearing the same thing. And then the next day he was wearing the same thing. And I didn't even want to think about it."

No respect

Girl at the mall: " And he says 'this place reminds me of my grandmother' and I'm like how come? And he says 'Cause it's totally dead.' I couldn't believe it."

Ouch

High school girl: "I'm just saying. TC3 is the cone of shame of local colleges."

Which came first, the chicken or the ....?

Vegetarian girl: "What does chicken taste like?"
Dad: "It tastes like tofu."

Humble observation

Woman on the Commons: "Humility is the least valued virtue these days, which is really too bad."

Not overheard, but...

Onions!
From Ithaca Craig's List (CAPS in the original)

I HAVE SEVERAL BUSHELS OF ONIONS. I USED TO FEED THEM TO A FRIEND WHO LOVED ONIONS. SOMETIMES HE ATE THEM STRAIGHT UP RAW. ONE TIME I FED HIM TOO MUCH AND HE GOT SICK AND HIS PORES OOZED ONION JUICE FOR LIKE A DAY. GOOD TIMES. UNFORTUNATELY SAID FRIEND IS GONE. I MISS HIM AND THAT MAKES ME CRY MORE THAN CUTTING ONIONS DOES.

ANYWAY, MY LOSS IS YOUR GAIN. I HAVE NO NEED FOR SO MANY ONIONS ANYMORE. HIT ME UP IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THESE FREE ONIONS. I PURCHASED THEM ABOUT ONE MONTH AGO. I THINK THEY ARE STILL GOOD. THEY SMELL LIKE ONIONS. YOU MIGHT NEED SOME ONION GOGGLES, BUT I DONT HAVE ANY.

ONION ENTHUSIASTS/FANATICS/ADDICTS ONLY (IN MY FRIENDS HONOR). WHEN YOU MESSAGE ME, PLEASE EXPLAIN THE DEPTH OF YOUR LOVE FOR ONIONS. 

Naptime

Five year old boy: "Yeah, I'm a vegetarian too! I sleep in the winter!"

They feel the same way about you

Teen boy: "I love amphibians! They are so adorable!"

Just checking

Small boy to a woman, presumably his mother.
Boy: "I'm the best in the whole world. You know that, right?"

Lost in translation

A small chirping noise. A woman looks at her cellphone.
Woman: "My phone and I don't speak the same language, I never know what it's trying  to tell me."

It all evens out

Girl: "I feel like shit but my shoes are beautiful."

Mice

Girl: "Did you know in Agway the pet mouse food is one aisle away from the D-Con mouse poison?"
Guy: "I guess that's in case you change your mind."

Blue

Girl at Urban Outfitters: "I've got to get some colored jeans! All my jeans are blue!"

Not overheard, but...

Posting on Craig's List Corning:
$1000000 / 8ft² - Closet for rent (Corning)
Gas worker special! I will rent my 2'x4' closet for $1,000,000/month. No plastic hangers please.

Location: Corning

No longer overheard....

Woman: "Remember when we used to be so irritated at everyone talking on their phones all the time everywhere? Now that everyone walks around texting like zombies I miss hearing all that stuff."

Chill out

Man: "Someone should just get those guys on Wall Street some Xanax or something, they always act so jittery."

Big city?

Woman talking on phone: "People from the city are the most provincial. They think there is nothing outside their little world."

That explains a lot

Overheard at the Taughannock campground
Guy: "You don't win any trophies for not drinking."

It's a guy thing

Guy: "Dust balls are better than no balls at all."

Don't use your imagination

Heard at the Ithaca Kohl's while walking past customer service (this is one conversation we wish we had heard the ending of!)
Girl behind counter: "Unfortunately, all the thongs I have are....... "

~Wendy B

Outdoors education

On campus. Two young women entering a building.
Woman: "And they say you never learn anything when you're outside smoking."
Other woman: "I know, totally."

Beware of wildlife

Man: "I knew things had gotten out of hand when I dropped a clothespin into the spiders web...and it bounced!."

Life imitates art?

At the Ithaca Farmer's Market.
Man, looking at a little pear shaped tomato: "These are cute. They look like...thought bubbles."

Exactly

Teen boy: "I'm not really a boy. I'm not really a man. I guess I'm a guy."

All the wrong places

Along route 13 past the no-star motels. Girl: "These look like the kind of motel you'd go to to get murdered."

Ready for anything

At Stewart Park on a lovely summer evening.
Woman:"No thanks, we already have a shaman lined up."

That might explain politics...

Guy: "Have you ever noticed that people who are not-so-bright always seem to think they are smarter than everyone else?"

Ape uprising?

Woman: "I've never felt the same about monkeys after that chimp ripped off the woman's face. I guess they are tired of being funny and cute."

Must be true then

Teen girl: "Mom, you are the most embarrassing mother on earth. All my friends agree."

An educational experience

 A dad is reading a letter about studying abroad.
Father: "Founded by Dwight D. Eisenhower...yeah, he found it in his trash. This is one of those things that you send your kids off to and you never see them again because they get sold into slavery."

Not nearly enough

Girl:"How much would we save if we used hair to floss our teeth instead of dental floss?"

Natural attraction

Mother of a teenage girl:"She would walk the entire Appalachian Trail if there were stores all along it."

Insight

Teen girl: "College must be really hard."
Teen boy: "That's why they drink a lot....and fail."

Isn't that cheating?

Two women at lunch, talking about their boss.
Woman: "He always looks so well dressed, so well put together."
Coworker: "I learned his secret. He buys whatever the mannequin at the store is wearing so it's all coordinated."

Regional differences

Woman: "When I hear a helicopter in town I assume someone's fallen into a gorge. When I hear a helicopter out in the country I assume they're looking for hidden patches of weed."

Growing pains

Man, talking on his cellphone: "I said what the hell is this, the only time you call me Dad is when you want money!"
-EH

Hot

Overhead at Fall Creek swimming hole.
Guy: "If this here heat keeps up I'ma gonna have to start talkin' in a drawl."

Not overheard, but...

OK, we at Overheard in Ithaca get a lot of mail from people wanting us to mention their blog, link to their blog,  just READ their blog.  This particular blog has nothing to do with Ithaca, nothing to do with being Overheard, but this young blogger from Poland seemed to serendipitously walk that fine line between earnest and whimsical entirely by accident, that we search for, so we thought we'd share: 

All right now I can say that I am a brother. Oh my God I can't believe it. Really very crazy feeling. Since 1994 to 2011- by 16 years I was alone without any brother or sister and now I have little Kuba. He was born 4 of July in Independence Day in the United States. During pregnancy everything was fine, I had other ideas and thoughts but now ?. Now I have 100 thoughts per second. Everything will change, I did not expected that today will give me so much to thought. Small baby with small eyes, small nose, small mouth. Kuba has 56 centimeters tall and he weights 3.9 kg. I weighed 4.6 kg so it's quite a lot. It's funny because human begins to remember when he is "about" 5. All of us had to live 5 years that begin explore the world. Already I would like to play with him with football. Anyway I'm sure that now time will change fot the better, I won't be alone and I'm not afraid about sleepless nights. Tomorrow next visit in hospital, well I must to see my mum also. I hope that tomorrow I'll see his eyes because today he was still sleeping and taking breaks for food. What else I can say ?
Welcome to the family Kuba :-)


http://bianchii.blogspot.com/

Racing in circles

At the roller derby...
Guy: "As soon as I realized it was exactly like NASCAR I totally stopped watching.

Related

Teen girl to her mother: "You look like a cross between Lord Voldemort and your father. Who did your father mate with?"

Not overheard, but...

Our favorite funeral home names:
Amigone (in Buffalo area)
Hurlbut (in Interlaken)

Do you know of any other good ones?

Play it safe

Guy, sitting at a table outside a restaurant: "Can you catch Lyme disease if you put lime in beer or does the alcohol kill it?"

Middle aged woman, jogging:"I really shouldn't go out in shorts, it will lower the property values for blocks around."

Gender law

Guy: "Wow, look at how long the hair on my arm is."
Girl: "Can you shave it, or is that against the manly code?"

Never really thought about it, but...

Girl: "Doesn't 'flatulence' sound like a kind of pastry?
Guy: "Like flourless chocolate flatulence?"

Uhhmmm

Teenage girl, looking at dog: "Don't you hate it when there's a cold, wet nose near your crotch?"

Technology and shaved cafe rats

Older woman, learning to use her smart phone.
Speaking at the phone loudly: "Save to favorites. Save to favorites"
Reading the small screen: "It says 'Can't find shaved chest.'"
Trying again: "Save to favorites.... Now it says 'Can't find shaved cafe rats.'"

Those aliens, at it again

Overheard in the ladies’ room at TC3.

Woman: "Do you work here?"

Employee: "I do."

Woman: "My daughter is starting school here. Every person I’ve met here, male or female, has been soooo nice. It’s like a spaceship scooped up all the nice people and dropped them here.”

Pegged...

Receptionist at work: "A man carrying a bagpipe just walked into the building, I assume he's here to see you?"

No Comment

Near Cornell. Absentee landlord to a concerned neighbor, asking about his choice of tenants for the house next door: "These are good kids. You can tell by the cars they drive."

Not overheard, but...parking hazard!

Sign in parking lot outside Ithaca veterinary office:
RESERVED PARKING
For Veterinary Care of Ithaca Clients Only
All Others Will Be Neutered

thanks for the sympathy, but...

At a dressing room, mother is trying on clothes.

Mother: "NONE of these work for me."

Tween daughter: "I know, it's not like there aren't a lot of lumpy, middle-aged ladies out there looking for clothes."

Advanced Geography

Overheard at Tim Horton's in Geneva:
Guy in his 20's: "There is North Dakota. Are there any other norths? Oh, well there is North Carolina! And there is  West Virginia....is isn't East Virginia, is it? No, it's just Virginia....right?

Honestly?

On the street, two women: "I actually didn't care that she slept with him, to be totally honest."

Higher math

Overheard at a local high school: “I actually saw ¾ of her breasts!”

TMI

Overheard outside a bathroom:
Woman leaving to woman entering: "The toilet didn't flush completely. But there's not much there...I'm very hydrated!"

Future rulers of the universe

Overheard by volunteers cleaning up the trash and the hundreds of beer cans left by the Cornell MBA students after this year's "Johnson Follies," their annual private party at the State Theatre:

"And these are the people who will be trying to privatize our Social Security when they get their six-figure jobs."

Nom

Guy: "Just put some maple syrup on it, put some ketchup on it, and I'm good to go."

Not quite it

Easter in Dryden
Teen girl: "Today's Easter."
Dad: "Yep."
Teen girl: "Why don't we have any jellybeans or chocolates or anything?"
Dad: "We can go out and shoot a rabbit."

At a party...

Woman:"You got a new car? A new car?"
Her friend: "Well, it was a new car this morning, but by this afternoon it was a used car."

Heavy lifting

Guy: "Those are supposed to be good for your brain, those mindless games."

A matter of taste

Woman: "I drive a convertible, and someone broke into it a few days ago. They took a few things, but they left all of my CD's. That was what really bothered me the most about it."

First Aid?

Teen boy: "Mom, I'm not the class clown. I'm the class defibrillator. When I'm not there the class is dead, it flatlines. "

Not what you want to hear on a date....

Woman: "So then he said 'Oh, I really have to go, I need to clean my fish tank.' "

Unusual weather

On one of those oh-so-frequent drizzly spring mornings, when everything is wet and the worms come out to catch a breath of air and cover the sidewalk.
Small boy: "It's worming out!"

Only in Ithaca?

Still at the diner....

Waitress: "Get a masters degree and you can work here too"

Overheard at brunch

Customer: "You have hamburgers?"
Waitress: "Our hamburgers are the best! Seriously. They're the reason I started dating our cook."

At the Lincoln St. Diner....

Customer: "I'll have a tall glass of water."
Waitress: "Hangover-sized water?"

Well put

Outspoken redhead: "Ignoring me would be a full time job."

Makes sense

Young boy: "Wow! Cats can really jump good. Which can jump better: cats or dogs?"
Older girl: "Dogs can....well actually, cows! Cause the cow jumped over the moon!"

-Wendy

Wonder why

Guy to girl: "I invited you to karaoke, with my peoples and disciples, and you didn't come...."

A familiar feeling?

Woman: "Denial works for me."

Well rounded diet

After a slumber party.
Girl: "I had pizza for dinner, then pizza for a 2:30 a.m. snack, and pizza for breakfast!

Skuffle off to...

Boy: "A skuffle at the Super Bowl? A skuffle sounds like fun, like a fight in your jammies."

Smart kid

Four year old boy: "I don't like eggs....except when they're in brownies!"

Clean living

Teen boy: "I heard drinking was actually good for you."
Other boy: "Yeah, binge drinking is really good, it really cleans out the system."

Huh.

Man: "Saltines are trailer park pastries."

feeling...a little bit happy

Adult (opening door to visiting 3-year-old and aunt): "Why, hello! And how are YOU?"
3-year-old (whispering): "Well, I’m…a little…bit…happy." (bursts into tears).

-KAZ

Love and Luck

Woman: "The last Valentine's Day with my ex he gave me two lottery tickets. He came home late and threw them on the table."
Other woman: "Did you win?"
Woman: "I won a little while later when I got divorced."

Like, true

Teen girl: "Shes always like; 'I like your -insert random thing that no one likes here-.' And I'm like 'Oh hi, I like your........hair'."

Girl: "Most babies look like my grandfather."

Well put

Woman: "If it's not chocolate, it's not worth it."

A familiar feeling?

After eating very spicy chili.
Sixth grade girl: "My tummy hurts and I feel like I'm going to die."

We'd like to think so...

Science teacher: "We have most of our genes in common with bananas."
Girl, raising her hand: "Do some people have more in common with bananas than others?"

Octopus watch out!

Girl: "We eat eggs and drink milk. We're octo-lavo vegetarians."