Not from around here? Just wait for winter

Overheard on campus.
Student: "This isn't even, like, New York. This is Canada."

Eat and/or be eaten

At the pet store.
Employee: "The rule of thumb is that if a fish can fit another fish into their mouth it pretty much will."

Flying fun

Woman: "Gee, with these new rules kids are going to play 'airport security' instead of doctor."

Changing colors

From our favorite former Ithacan:
Teacher: "Tomorrow is picture day. Be sure to look your best. Here is my class picture from when I was in first grade."
Smartest kid in class: "That's funny - you're white."
Me: "Of course I was white when I was 6 - I'm white now."
Smartest kid in class: "But now you're a teacher. Plenty of teachers are white. I didn't know kids could be white too."

Dressed for the occasion

Mom to daughter: "Take off your new white sweater if you are going to eat spaghetti sauce. As a matter of fact, if you are going to eat spaghetti sauce take off all of your clothes."

Family values

Woman: "No, we never split up, never got divorced. It was because neither of us wanted the kids. He didn't want them, I didn't want them, so we had to stay together."

Overheard at Cornell polo

Small boy: "I have a black horse. He lays eggs."
His mom: "We do have a horse. I don't know where the eggs come from."