Ouch

High school girl: "I'm just saying. TC3 is the cone of shame of local colleges."

Which came first, the chicken or the ....?

Vegetarian girl: "What does chicken taste like?"
Dad: "It tastes like tofu."

Humble observation

Woman on the Commons: "Humility is the least valued virtue these days, which is really too bad."

Not overheard, but...

Onions!
From Ithaca Craig's List (CAPS in the original)

I HAVE SEVERAL BUSHELS OF ONIONS. I USED TO FEED THEM TO A FRIEND WHO LOVED ONIONS. SOMETIMES HE ATE THEM STRAIGHT UP RAW. ONE TIME I FED HIM TOO MUCH AND HE GOT SICK AND HIS PORES OOZED ONION JUICE FOR LIKE A DAY. GOOD TIMES. UNFORTUNATELY SAID FRIEND IS GONE. I MISS HIM AND THAT MAKES ME CRY MORE THAN CUTTING ONIONS DOES.

ANYWAY, MY LOSS IS YOUR GAIN. I HAVE NO NEED FOR SO MANY ONIONS ANYMORE. HIT ME UP IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THESE FREE ONIONS. I PURCHASED THEM ABOUT ONE MONTH AGO. I THINK THEY ARE STILL GOOD. THEY SMELL LIKE ONIONS. YOU MIGHT NEED SOME ONION GOGGLES, BUT I DONT HAVE ANY.

ONION ENTHUSIASTS/FANATICS/ADDICTS ONLY (IN MY FRIENDS HONOR). WHEN YOU MESSAGE ME, PLEASE EXPLAIN THE DEPTH OF YOUR LOVE FOR ONIONS. 

Naptime

Five year old boy: "Yeah, I'm a vegetarian too! I sleep in the winter!"

They feel the same way about you

Teen boy: "I love amphibians! They are so adorable!"

Just checking

Small boy to a woman, presumably his mother.
Boy: "I'm the best in the whole world. You know that, right?"

Lost in translation

A small chirping noise. A woman looks at her cellphone.
Woman: "My phone and I don't speak the same language, I never know what it's trying  to tell me."

It all evens out

Girl: "I feel like shit but my shoes are beautiful."

Mice

Girl: "Did you know in Agway the pet mouse food is one aisle away from the D-Con mouse poison?"
Guy: "I guess that's in case you change your mind."