Holiday spirit

At Best Buy
Man to woman holding a toddler on a leash: "Go ahead and yank it. Trust me, it won't hurt him."

Live and learn

Teacher: "And so then the student says to me, 'But Miss, I didn't know we weren't supposed to pay someone to do our homework.'"

A star is born!

Girl : "I was a queen once in a play. I said one line and then the king cut off my head."

Nostalgia

Girl: "No one makes prank calls anymore. It's kind of sad."

Easy Matt

Two middle schoolers discussing classmates.

She: I don’t know who she is. Did she go out with Matt?

He: Yeah, I think so.

She: . . . Well, that doesn’t narrow it down much, does it?

He: Not really, no.

-KAZ

The Real Thing

Kid commenting on the supposed drinking habits of classmates:

“And I don’t mean fake stuff like Mike’s lemonade or something; I’m talking about real alcohol, like beer.”

-KAZ