Nature in all its glory

Man: I was biking up past Game Farm Road and the trees were all filled with birds, I think they were starlings. I shifted gears and the sound must have startled them, they all took off from the trees at once and as they did you could hear the plop of bird droppings everywhere. They got me three times, one on each arm and one on the front of my jacket, so at least it was symmetrical."

Formerly private moments

Overheard in a public restroom:
Young woman: "Yeah, OK. I love you too mommy. (LOUD FLUSH) Bye."

traumatic childhood memory

Teenage boy: "I remember in kindergarten, they gave us a work sheet and I was so confused or scared I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there and didn't do anything. They sent me down to the office and Mrs. L helped me with it."
Girl: "Do you remember what it was about?"
Teenage boy: "It was about Puss in Boots."

We don't know, do you?

At the physical therapist.
Police officer (guard?) comes in to the waiting room, leading a man in a red prison uniform and handcuffs. A small girl is sitting by herself in the waiting room. After the men are escorted through to the workout room she turns to the other person sitting there and pointing to her wrists asks: "Are those things heavy?"

After spring break...

Female student: "I haven't worked out all week and I'm going to DIE!"

Sounds creepy

Also on Saturday morning.
Man: "Wegman's was crawling with therapists."

For your own safety

Early Saturday morning.
Roofer, up high on a ladder, on a cellphone: "You have to get coffee."