They feel the same way about you

Teen boy: "I love amphibians! They are so adorable!"

Must be true then

Teen girl: "Mom, you are the most embarrassing mother on earth. All my friends agree."

First Aid?

Teen boy: "Mom, I'm not the class clown. I'm the class defibrillator. When I'm not there the class is dead, it flatlines. "

Clean living

Teen boy: "I heard drinking was actually good for you."
Other boy: "Yeah, binge drinking is really good, it really cleans out the system."

Like, true

Teen girl: "Shes always like; 'I like your -insert random thing that no one likes here-.' And I'm like 'Oh hi, I like your........hair'."

That's why it doesn't work

In health class.
Teacher: "Now remember, abstinence is the only way to guarantee you won't get pregnant or catch HIV.
Student: "What's abstinence again?"
Teen boy: "It means no sex, which is the worst possible thing in the entire world."