Reality check

On campus, a guy walking up to two young women.
Guy: "Why are you waving at me?"
Girl: "I'm your friend! And so is Lauren."
Guy: "I'm cool with Lauren."
Girl: "But not me?"
Guy: "You tried to kill me in my dream."

Hazards of staying up too late to watch the debates

Man: "Last night I dreamt that I was at a party and Obama was there and he wanted me to ask him a question. I asked about the space program. While he was telling me his plan to launch a rocket to Mars I realized I was completely naked."
-MEC